(Lana Del Rey promo shot: Stolen from Idolator.com)
We know you guys, We know.... We've been gone almost over a year, with two beautiful babies to show for it... And endless good intentions to sit down and post a wonderful piece for our true blue readers and supporters.... And we come back for Lana Del Rey?!
We KNOW!!!
But you guys... It's just something that can't be helped.
(Sixteen Candles image stollen from Cinema GOD, John Hughes)
We are officially obsessed. Going through the day checking and re-checking google images to make sure that, yes! Lana Del Rey does still look EXACTLY like the older drugged sister from Sixteen candles!
(as our dear & insightful friend Emily pointed out)
(Image match stolen from an unknown genius)
Checking to make sure that, yes! She is still some what annoyingly slow and pouty in her singing style....
And finally that YES, she does have the same name as the man-hungry 1970's O.G cougar from Three's Company!
(Image of Lana & Jack from Three's Company)
We are going for full honesty, pour-out-our-guts-ness here.
Paula Abdul style, STRAIGHT UP NOW.
We really want to hate her.... It has been so long since these feeling of confusion, stomach churning dislike mixed with secret admiration and jealousy have reared their ugly heads inside of us. Almost exactly, since high school actually.
She is THAT girl!
Oh my God you guys! Look at her!
F*CK!!
Lana Del Rey is like a young Julia Roberts that you just absolutely, positively, Just do NOT want to be besties with... That is unless she wants to be besties with us and then, in that case, sure, call me and I guess we can hang or whatever.
(Image of Mystic Pizza stolen from: Donald Petrie)
All we hear about these days is Lana Del Rey.... Our husbands listen to her in the car, in the office and are constantly trying to convince us that her songs are actually really new and innovative and that her lyrics are amazing...
Yeah, thats true.. Ok, we really DO like the lyrics to Video Games..
She MIGHT even actually be a Gangsta Nancy Sinatra or WHATEVER.... But we know 96% of it has to do with the fact that home girl looks like this....
(Image stolen from: Pastarunmusic.com)
Lana is like every indy, musician , skater boy, graffiti guys dream girl... In the end does it really even matter if she was manufactured in a record company board room?
She wears short, shorts and red high top converse in her F*cking videos people!
She wears ringer shirts and Esther Williams style flowers in her hair!
If she was created in a board room, then there were some genius decisions made that day!
As much as we want to be haters, we kinda can't... And why do we want to be anyway? Why did we spend/waste time finding her before and after plastic surgery photos?
(Image: Interview magazine duh.)
We live in HOLLYWOOD.... Who hasn't had a little work done? Although we do love the gals who openly cop to it, (because it's a little insulting to think we are that naive?) does it really make a difference? She was pretty in the before pictures anyway....
BITCH.
(Image: unknown source)
True story: One of us actually sent this before photo to her husband like,
"Look at your girlfriend before her lip job. Not trying to be a bitch..."
A. I was totally trying to be a bitch
B. his response was "Whatevs".
C. Seriously, just trying to remind you that my lips are ALL real dude.
See? That is some high school shiz... Why is this girl getting under my skin?
Is it because I don't like her? Or because when I borrow my husbands car I totally enjoy listening to her album and then change it to the Beastie Boys when I get out so as not to be discovered? Hmmmm?
Whatever it is we are torn... TORN, torn as her high waisted short shorts...
How do you feel? Let us know in the comment section.
Unless you live with either of us, in that case keep it to yourself mister.
X*O*X*O
Things We Heart
